Recognizing and dealing with cyberbullying - information and help for parents

If bullying takes place online via smartphones or other digital devices, it is referred to as cyberbullying. Here are a few examples:

• Embarrassing pictures, films or messages of a person are sent via apps such as WhatsApp, Snapchat or Instagram to make fun of them.
• Fake or very private photos are published on social networks. Hate groups are set up to take someone down together. Or "fake profiles" are created, which are then used to ridicule the person being bullied.
• Films showing a person in embarrassing situations are published on video portals such as YouTube. These videos are liked, commented on hatefully or spread further.

Cyberbullying can occur on all platforms that allow people to interact with each other or upload content. Bullying can therefore occur in an online game like Fortnite as well as on social networks like TikTok or Instagram or in private chat apps like WhatsApp.

Cyberbullying differs from "classic bullying" in some respects. We have summarized some important characteristics of cyberbullying for you here:

Temporal delimitation: In many cases, there are no safe spaces or "bullying-free" times for the victims of cyberbullying. Mean things and insults can reach those affected anytime and anywhere - even at home. Even going without the internet and smartphone is of little use. This is because others continue to see the insults or embarrassing images and react accordingly.

Wide reach: In digital communication, people often share what they have been sent themselves. The "funnier" or more exciting the content, the more likely it is to be forwarded. Unfortunately, this also often applies to content that shows others in embarrassing situations. It often doesn't take long before the whole class or even the whole school knows about it.

Anonymity: Bullying is seemingly anonymous, as it is easy to hide behind pseudonyms, fake profiles or email addresses on the internet. This means that people who would hardly dare to do so offline also bully digitally. In addition, communication filtered via screens is often indirect and time-delayed. This makes it more difficult for victims to assess the reactions and consequences and lowers inhibitions.

Not visible to outsiders: Content may have been disseminated via the internet and smartphones for some time before those affected realize it - for example, by being passed on from smartphone to smartphone. The victim feels the reactions in the school playground, for example, but does not know what exactly is behind it. This can increase the feeling of helplessness. However, the shift to digital media has also made it more difficult for outsiders (e.g. parents or teachers) to notice bullying at an early stage. This is because what is written in chat groups and social media is often beyond their knowledge. 

Despite all the differences, it is clear that cyberbullying and "traditional" bullying often take place at the same time. The victims are then humiliated both offline and online, which can intensify the negative effect.

There is no absolute protection against cyberbullying. However, some precautionary measures can help to prevent cyberbullying in the best possible way. Parents should be aware that the topic of cyberbullying is closely linked to other topics and skills such as data protection and data economy, the specifics of digital communication and social learning. Accordingly, promoting media literacy, strengthening self-confidence and self-efficacy and teaching social and communication skills are the three main pillars of prevention work against cyberbullying.

Safety rules for using digital media

If a digital device is unprotected, it is easy for others to copy private data or commit malicious acts of all kinds in the name of the owner. Therefore, these devices should always be secured with a password. Passwords for email accounts, social networks or online storage should also never be shared. This also includes regularly checking the data protection settings of apps and social networks.

For younger or inexperienced users, it makes sense to look at new services together first. They should discuss what to look out for and how to react in the event of problems. The minimum age recommended by the provider should also be checked. The first steps on the Internet should be taken on selected services; messenger services or social networks are not recommended for the beginning.

Young people should also be aware of the value of personal data and photos. The more you reveal about yourself, the more vulnerable you become. However, being careful with your own data cannot completely prevent cyberbullying by others. However, you can at least reduce the target area if bullies do not have access to a large number of pictures, videos and information about their bullying victim online.

• Stay calm and keep a clear head: Those affected by bullying often find it difficult at first to think of something else and not to defend themselves directly. However, you should not respond immediately to the offensive content. Otherwise there is a risk that the insults will continue to escalate. Relatives who want to help should first keep calm themselves. They should also tell those affected not to take any rash and ill-considered steps that could make the situation worse.
• Document attacks: If the content is sent directly to the victim or is freely accessible on the internet, cyberbullying incidents should be documented - for example, by taking screenshots or saving messages. This way, the bullying can be proven later and perpetrators cannot delete any evidence. Instructions on how to create legally compliant screenshots can be found at HateAid, for example.
• Block bullies and report incidents: On smartphones, in most social networks, messenger apps or email programs, you can specifically block or report numbers or contacts. This means they can no longer harass you directly. Individual messages, insults, hate posts and mean pictures can also usually be reported directly in the services.
• Defending yourself against bullying: Defending yourself does not mean insulting back! This does not usually solve the problem. Instead, the victim should say or write what hurts him or her and formulate this very clearly (e.g. like this: "It hurts me that...", "I feel bad because...", "I want it to stop IMMEDIATELY!"). Please bear in mind: Whether it makes sense to talk to the bully depends heavily on the individual situation.
• Inform the teacher in the event of cyberbullying in the school environment: If the cyberbullying takes place in the school environment, the incident should be reported to the school in consultation with the child so that further steps can be considered together.
• Find allies and trusted adults: To counteract possible feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, friends, acquaintances and trusted adults are an important source of support. They can also stand up for the victim on the internet by commenting on offensive images or videos in a clearly negative manner, informing the victim and (if possible) reporting this content to the provider. Parents can support their child by standing by them and looking for solutions together. At the same time, however, it should also be accepted if the child does not want to talk about certain details of the bullying.
• Seek help from experts: Anyone who experiences cyberbullying themselves or in their immediate environment will understandably have a strong emotional reaction. In many cases, support from outside experts is therefore useful. A first point of contact can be the Nummer gegen Kummer (number against grief ), for example, which advises both children and parents.
• Do not talk to parents of possible perpetrators too quickly: There is a risk that parents will protect their child and the fronts will harden permanently. This can make it difficult or impossible to find a solution. It is better to involve a less emotionally involved person as a mediator and to obtain sufficient information in advance.
• Involve the police in particularly serious cases: In serious cases, it is advisable to contact the police and file a complaint. This can also be done online via the police's online watchdogs, for example.
• Not using smartphones and the internet is rarely successful: Some parents believe that if their child stops using the internet and smartphone, the cyberbullying will stop on its own. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. This is because other people still see the insults and abuse and react accordingly in face-to-face encounters. This would also mean a major restriction for the person affected and make it more difficult to communicate with friends and supporters.

Counseling services for parents:

• Number against grief (parent counseling)
• bke parent counseling

Counseling services for young people

• Nummer gegen Kummer (counseling for children and adolescents)
• JUUUPORT
• crisis chat
• Safe in law